Darling

A couple years ago on a weekend trip to Seattle I discovered Darling Magazine. Darling is all about "the art of being a woman". None of their models are retouched. There are various body shapes and sizes; races and ethnicities. The articles in Darling are thoughtful and meaty-I've learned something about myself with each issue. 

With that being said, actually reading through each one is a lengthy process. When I first starting reading Darling I was still in school, reading endless articles and writing masterfully b.s.'ed papers...I hardly had time to relax and take a breath, so reading for myself wasn't a high priority. But now that I'm basically unemployed and in the final stages of my thesis, I still find myself turning to Netflix or HBO instead of reading. It's one of those things that are so good for you, but also not your first instinct because we so often deflect and self-sooth by distracting ourselves. 

With the most recent issue of Darling I'm doing my best to dive in. I was reminded of why I love it so much. It's a magazine for women. It's about both challenging and uplifting the reader. Darling is about learning and growing and knowing yourself and being comfortable with your self. It's little, but I love the fact that they use feminine pronouns. One day, I would be so honored to work for Darling. It encompasses everything I'm about: connection, creativity, femininity, and sense of self.

xxo

If I'm Being Honest

I grew up watching Mary-Kate and Ashley, Lindsay Lohan, A Little Princess, The Secret Garden, Matilda, and Madeline. I am 100% sure this is why I want to work with young girls and women. And, to be honest, I've fantasized about working at a boarding school in Paris somewhere just like in Madeline, where I mentor a little girl and make those important emotional connections. 

I'm sitting here watching The Parent Trap (the Lindsay Lohan version, of course) and realizing just what an impact these movies have had on my life. I love the short scenes at the beginning of the movie where the "girls" (side note, who else was shocked when they found out that Lindsay in fact did NOT have a twin?!) are making new friends and having a great time at camp. I loved how in Madeline all of the girls slept in the same large room and navigated different peer relationships. I love the stories the little girl told in A Little Princess (even though at 28 it still makes me cry every time when she's trying to get her amnesiac father to recognize her). 

Sure, some girls have an experience with a doctor at a young age and want to go into medicine. Some girls are impacted by an ill family member, others have a family member in the armed forces and grow up wanting to serve their country. Still others grow up with examples of self-starters and entrepreneurs and want to go into business...

I grew up watching movies of unrealistic summer camp/boarding school experiences and wanted to become a den mother. Same/Same. 

xxo

The Nature of the Beast

I've resisted Facebook for so long now. I remember feeling anxiety and ineptitude when I was on it in my early college years. I was disappointed that I hadn't gone away for college, and watching all of my classmates post about living in the dorms, college parties, meeting new friends, and leading these seemingly exciting lives made me feel resentful of my own. I deleted my page and was pretty much off social media for the next five years. 

I only recently got back to Instagram, and as I've written here before, I have had such an amazing experience with it-connecting to new people, growing as a photographer and influencer. In this time between jobs, I decided to pursue photography with more drive and purpose. I want to work with more clients, engage in collaboration, and expand my own knowledge and skills. Because of this, I felt I needed to get back on Facebook to reach a wider audience. 

Coming back to it at 28 years old, I know I am much more aware of the fact that we only post the picture perfect images of our lives (for the most part). I know myself well enough to not scroll through my feed for any great length of time. I know that everyone is fighting a battle, and what we put on Instagram or Facebook or any other social media is what makes us feel good about ourselves, and those things should be celebrated. 

So I'm taking the opportunity to use Facebook to enter into another period of growth and challenge. One that I'm hoping will also bring abundance and connection.

xxo

The Universe is Conspiring For You

One of my yoga teachers says, "The Universe is conspiring for you, not against you." So often we think we're being "tested" by God. But I don't think God tests us. I choose to think that things are working in a way that is supposed to challenge us, but also uplift us. These "tests" show us the strength we have within that we might not otherwise have been witness to. 

It feels very vulnerable and scary to put yourself out there into the Universe and trust that things will work out in your favor eventually. I felt nervous and self-conscious posting last week on my Instagram that I'm available for photoshoots. It felt presumptuous to assume my work is good enough to gain the attention of others, and then to have someone pay me for it. 

But, as it so often does, the starts aligned and I found myself encouraged and surprised by the interest that post received. I spent an afternoon last week with Caroline. We met as new coaches for Girls On The Run Sacramento and have spent the last three months taking a rowdy, sassy, and endearing group of 3rd-5th grade girls through the GOTR program. 

Caroline is a writer and was looking for new content to include on both her website and Instagram. Her enthusiasm for the whole process was contagious. She is a natural goof and has very little shame in making a fool out of herself. I envy people with these traits-to not worry so much about what others think of you must be very freeing. 

I'm so grateful for the opportunity to push myself-both emotionally in offering my services, and technically in photographing someone other than myself or the trips that I go on. And even if Caroline is the only client I book, I know that had I not spoken up, had I not taken that leap of trust and faith in the process, I never would have felt this particular pride and excitement.

xxo

Put It All Out There

Being a new photographer, I have a lot of hesitation in putting myself out there to potential (read: paying) clients. I worry about my skill level. I wonder about my professionalism in securing a location and being able to produce content that the client is excited about. I'm unsure of what I should initially charge. Is my equipment "fancy" enough... 

Most of all, I think I'm afraid of putting myself out there and getting no response. But this week on good ol' Instagram I posted about being open for portrait gigs and the Universe gave me a sweet little kiss on the forehead and gave me several responses. 

No doubt the self-questioning will persist. But this little vote of confidence has me grateful and pumped. (With that being said, feel free to reach out through email at kellygboylan@gmail.com, or Instagram to inquire about working together!).

xxo