There’s something incredibly soothing about the mountains, the water, the nature and wildlife of Northern California. Pt. Reyes and Bolinas have been safe spaces for me over the years, drawing me back time and time again. I spent the days around New Years in a sweet little Airbnb in Lagunitas and it was a truly restorative time.

I shot through three rolls of film, spent time at the beach, made good food, watched Widow Clicquot while drinking Veuve Clicquot, practiced yoga by a fireplace, and had plenty of opportunities for birding.

The morning before I left for Pt. Reyes I had a really difficult therapy session. My anxiety levels had been high for several days prior to session, as it led up to a difficult day for me. There were moments of self-judgement for being so overwhelmed, along with moments of knowing I have grown, processed, and moved through really difficult things.

In that session I also read out loud my resolutions, hopes, and goals for the new year ahead. The financial goals were easy to share. The hopes of my heart were more difficult to share. There are so many things I can’t control when it comes to matters of the heart, and I don’t do well with feeling out of control. I can hope for, yearn for, and desire fun dates, deep partnership, love and adoration. And I need someone else for those things to come true (yada, yada, yada, self-love, self-compassion. I know I’m not made whole by someone else. I could live the rest of my life single and have a wonderful, beautiful, fulfilling life. This post isn’t about those things.).

One of the reasons I shared my hopes with my therapist, and am sharing them here, is because I believe in the power of words, of speaking hopes and dreams into existence. As scary as it is, perhaps by being more vocal and vulnerable with what my heart wants, the Universe will help me along in finding those things.

In 2025

I want to challenge myself to not get overwhelmed with fear that I won’t be in a romantic relationship again. I don’t know how to fight those fears, but I want to learn how to.

My worth, my value, my existence - these things aren’t better or worse for being single or partnered. Intellectually, I can believe in that. Emotionally, I don’t know if I’m so steady. I fully believe I’m not made whole by another person. I am whole today, as I was at any point in my life leading up to this moment, and extending into every future moment of self. I do believe, though, that my life would be richer with someone else.

I want to be wanted. I want to be desired. I want to be seen, supported, championed, challenged. I want to look at my person and be enamored, to be turned on, to be proud of who they are. I want to build a life with someone. I’m so tired of doing it on my own.

How do I conjure this hope? The fear of speaking it and not getting it is enormous. It feels as if I speak it and don’t get it, it must reflect I don’t deserve it. My brain knows that’s not true. My heart wonders where she learned that from.

In 2025 I hope my heart is open to new experiences, fun dates, flirting, and adventures. Whether it’s a season of dating around, or locking down a long-term relationship…I just hope it fucking happens.