Everything comes back to that insecure feeling of not being enough. Not cool enough. Not pretty enough. Not desirable enough. Not enough.
Brene Brown often talks about scarcity, and how we make decisions and do things in life out of fear of not having or being enough. To me, this especially plays out through social media. I feel a need to post content, do cool things, become popular and well liked (literally and figuratively). For the last couple years I’ve done a New Year’s resolution to abstain from something for a year. Two years ago it was clothes shopping. This year it was alcohol. Next year, I’m thinking it’ll be no social media.
This is crazy, for a photographer who hopes to build her clientele, it feels like the exact opposite of what I should be doing. But it also feels so right. I spend so much time on my phone, outside of the present moment. And much of that time is dedicated to checking in on social media, whether it be Instagram, Facebook, or Snapchat. My soul needs the disconnect. My soul needs the disconnect from social media so that I can connect with my self and with real human beings. Starting January 1st, I’ll be social media free. The goal is a year. But this thing is fluid. I’ll leave room for change of heart and goals. But my hope is that it will make me more curious about the things around me, things far away, and things big and small.
I’ll be here posting - likely more than before since I wont have Instagram to post to. And I’ll be on email. So we’ll still be connected. Just not tethered as tightly. And that feels so freeing. Maybe in 2020 I’ll jump back on. For now, I’ll trust that the universe is looking out for me; she’ll bring me the things I need, regardless of my social media activity.