The Story I'm Telling Myself

I'm a big fan of Brene Brown. I love her research and writing and watching youtube videos of her speaking engagements. In fact, when I read her books now I read them in her voice in my head. She talks about the stories we tell ourselves, and the impact they have on our own mental health, as well as the impact they have on the relationships we engage (or don't engage) in. 

Don Miguel Ruiz was recently introduced to me as well. A couple months ago I read The Four Agreements, and now I just started on The Voice of Knowledge. I've underlined much of it already and I'm only half way through. But here's something in particular that really hit me hard. It's similar to what Brene Brown writes about with the stories we tell ourselves...

"This is how I learned to create my story, and because I had faith in the story, the story became truth for me. And the story, even if it is full of lies, is perfect. It is wonderful and beautiful. The story is not right or wrong or good or bad - it's just a story, that's all. But with awareness, we can change the story. Step by step, we can return to the truth."
-Don Miguel Ruiz, The Voice of Knowledge

There are things I tell myself through observation of the world around me, or things people have told me, outright or inadvertently. But that doesn't mean these things are true. They're part of my story, but the story can be altered. 

Over the last couple days I've been trying to catch myself with how I speak to myself, the lies I believe and the stories I have made my truth, but are false. It's easy to get carried away in our minds. It's similar to what I learned through The Power of Now. When my mind runs wild, I'm not present. When I catch the craziness going on, when I call it out and name it, I'm usually able to come back into the now, and see the story for what it is. 

"You can change your life by refusing to believe your own lies. You can start with the main lies that limit the expression of your happiness and your love. If you take your faith away from these lies, they lose their power over you. Then you can recover your faith and invest it in different beliefs. If you stop believing in lies, everything in your life changes..."
-Don Miguel Ruiz, The Voice of Knowledge

xxo

Patience is a Virtue

And accordingly, I am not very virtuous. I've never been very patient. I'm impulsive when it comes to making plans and shopping/wanting something new and now. I spent most of this past year learning how to sit still, even when it's uncomfortable. My yoga teachers have always said the Universe will keep providing us with opportunities to learn the life lessons we need until we understand/change/readjust. 

Apparently, I have a thick head. Part of why I'm so impatient is that I like to be in control. I like to know where I'm going, how I'm getting there, what music I'm listening to while getting there...I want to know what the future holds so that I can plan for it, prepare myself, brace for it. But it's always the unexpected experiences that produce the most joy and satisfaction. 

I know this practice of patience will be one I learn for the rest of my life. I'm doing my best to slow down and be present, to feel where I'm at and find a bit of gratitude in every season. 

xxo

Sharing is Caring

I spent Saturday afternoon with Betsy taking pictures and catching up. That might be the hardest part of adulthood really - trying to coordinate schedules to find time to connect. Very thankful for time spent with her and these photos.

xxo

I Want a House in the Hills

I want a house in the hills
where hawks fly low
and we always say, "hello"

I want a home that stands alone
strong and sturdy
where I'm never in a hurry

I want a space that's secluded and snug
with a fireplace in every room
and flowers are always in bloom

I want a house in the hills
that shows off the ocean
and in which creativity is always in motion

xxo

Reflection

Spotify recently compile my most listened to tracks for 2017, and as I began to listen to it, I felt these waves of emotions and memories flood over me. Each song took me back to a specific feeling or moment. The summer of 2016 through the fall of 2017 was the most trying season of my life. I went through a lot of change in that year or so. I left the family I was a nanny to for almost five years. I lost important relationships in my life. I felt lost in my career goals and lack of a stable job. I was overwhelmed by these experiences, both mentally and emotionally. It took up a lot of space in my head and my heart. 

Music has always been a form of therapy for me. My dad is a musician, and my mom loves music just as much. Because of that, it was always on in the house. The first two notes of The Eagles "I Can't Tell You Why" hit me just as beautifully as the first few notes of John Mayer's "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room." I have playlists that are specific for moods. One for when I need to feel deeply and feel hard; one for when I need to feel angry and vindicated; one for when I want to feel uplifted and encouraged.

Listening to music is sacred. It reminds us that we are not alone. Life experiences can often leave us feeling so alone - alone in our experience, alone in our emotions, alone in our sense of betrayal and hurt. But music reminds us that someone else has been in a similar experience. Someone else has felt a sense of what you feel. Your experience is unique and valid to you. It is yours and yours alone. But we are not alone in the human experiences of love, joy, pain, heartbreak, fear, anxiety, insufficiency...We are more alike than we are unalike. And music reminds me of that. How else would artists connect to so many people? How else could that one note, or that one lyric totally bring you to your knees? 

The Spotify list is pretty long. But here are twenty songs I'd like to share with you:

1. Find You - Charlotte Day
2. Confidently Lost - Sabrina Claudio
3. Lose My Mind - Janine
4. Refuse - Kevin Garrett
5. 5,000,000,000 Years - Whitaker
6. Beautiful Girl - Sara Bareilles
7. It'll Rain Today - Michelle Willis
8. Death & Taxes - Daniel Caesar 
9. Press Harder - GemStones
10. In the Blood - John Mayer
11. Woman - Rosie Lowe
12. Misery Loves Company, Too - Natalie Royal
13. Untitled (How Does It Feel) - D'Angelo
14. Heavy - Birdtalker
15. River - Bishop Briggs
16. Hear Me - Tedeschi Trucks Band
17. Build it Better - Aron Wright
18. Cool Girl - Tove Lo
19. Cruel Intentions - JMSN
20. I'm Better (feat. Lamb) - Missy Elliot

Enjoy.

xxo