Self-Compassion


Over the last three weeks (and for three more weeks moving forward) I've been leading a workshop on self-esteem with a group of about ten sixth grade girls. The main focus of the lessons so far has been on appearance ideals, expectations, how to avoid self-deprecating speech as well as redirecting conversation with friends when they start to tease others or belittle themselves...

It's been interesting because as I'm teaching these young women, doing my best to help them see that their worth is so much more than just their outward appearance, I've been catching myself looking in the mirror as I get ready for the day and lamenting over all of the things that are wrong/could be better. 

We all have these scripts inside our heads that tell us we should be skinnier, stop eating so much sugar, get to your mat more often, deny yourself the pleasures of food/drink/rest-all so that we can look better. We're convinced that if we look better from the outside, we'll feel better on the inside. But deep down inside I think we all know we've got it totally backwards.

We have to spend time on our inner selves before we can alter the outer self. And that transformation starts with being nice to ourselves. I recently read a guide for a couple of self-love meditations, and one of the suggested mantras really stuck with me: May I live a life of ease.

I'm working really hard right now on being kind to myself, and taking in the very themes and ideas I am trying to instill in these girls-beauty is so much more than from an outer appearance. It's so much easier to have compassion for someone else. It's easier to see the potential, the good, and the courage in others. It's far more uncomfortable to compliment yourself, to be happy with yourself as you are, and to be ok with being a work in progress. If we can muster up even an ounce of self-compassion, imagine how much more we could then give in offering to those around us. And what a beautiful, lasting impact that will make, my friends. 

xxo

I've Got Your Back ft. Casey Zaring

Surprise, surprise, it's another yogi goddess featured on IGYB today. They're just all so awesome. I met Casey years ago through Zuda yoga. She took my class a long time ago and commented on how she liked my music and I was like, I like you! Seriously, anyone who connects with me over my music choices for the classes I teach...instant friends.


What is a recent book or article that you’ve read that has challenged your thinking, inspired you, or changed you?
I have been reading, The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, by Marie Kondo. It’s an approach to physically tidying up. Her theory is that everything you own should bring good energy into your residence, and that it should bring you joy. So you’re required in this process to sort of overhaul your whole situation. If it doesn’t bring you joy when you physically touch it, you discard it. So you start with things like clothes-things that aren’t going to be super difficult. And then you eventually make your way to the sentimental things. It’s very eye opening.

Who is an influencer in your life?
There are so many good ones! Most recently, though, it’s been Laura Francis. I work at Zuda Yoga on Saturday afternoons, and Laura has taught the Saturday 4:30p class for a long time. One day, if my teaching and my presence can get to the point of not having to raise my voice, or physically touch a single person, or really do anything to hold power and space in a room, that will be an indicator of success for me. And Laura Francis does all of those things. She is just real. There were times when she would come into the studio and say, “I’m angry. And I need to talk about this thing that’s going on in my life.” She makes it ok to talk about real emotions and real life.

What does feminism mean to you?
My idea of feminism now is so different than what I used to think of it as. I used to think it meant you hate men, but at the same time you try to be like a man. But feminism is not that.

To me, feminism is about being not only grateful to be female, but also not being afraid to show your femininity to other people. I think so much of our female existence is spent muting our feminine qualities and holding back.

And it’s not only about women. Feminism is this inclusive thing that is about embracing equality and justice for every living person.


Do you have a favorite quote or mantra that you try to live your life by?
There’s something I read in The Yamas and Niyamas, by Deborah Adele, that has stuck with me since teacher training at Zuda. Adele is speaking to attachment, and she says anything we cling to will create a maintenance problem for us, and that attachments ruin our day when they aren’t fulfilled. Most pointedly, Adele says, “Like a trapeze artist, are we willing to be suspended in mid air, in total trust of the timing, and of a future that is greater than the one we are holding onto.”

What are you most passionate about?
My personal mission is to connect. I believe that at the end of the day, that’s what this whole journey is about-to connect. I’m most passionate about language and communication. I feel like the breakdown in communication is where every problem in our world comes from. I want to learn how to use language to connect, rather than divide. That’s what drew me to linguistics and anthropology.

How are you an agent for communication and connection?
My main contribution to language is that I’ll continue to encourage those in my life to learn and grow. I want to make sure people know it’s not ok to ostracize or marginalize someone else because of their life experience and their language skills.


Finish this sentence: I am _______________.

I am powerful.

Casey's got your back.
xxo
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I've Got Your Back, ft. Jenny Neal


I've known Jenny for years now. We first met through Zuda Yoga, an incredibly important space and community for me. Jenny is the studio manager, as well as just a general kick-ass human being. 

What is a recent book or article that you’ve read that has challenged your thinking, inspired you, or changed you?
There’s a book by Tim Ferris called Tools of Titans, and it’s like the Bible. It’s a bunch of billionaires and successful people talking about their tricks and things they’ve done to succeed in life. I read some of it every single night. I’m learning about routines, commitment, and focus. It’s really teaching me how to succeed and learn through the mistakes the people in Ferris’s book share.

I tend to take on a lot of projects and only complete about twenty percent of them. So this book is helping me focus on what my passion is, what I want to do with my life, and then executing those goals.

Who is an influencer in your life?
Gabriel Bernstein is an influencer in my life. She is somebody who doesn’t give a shit about what other people think of her. She just lives this authentic, real, weird, goddess life. She teaches Kundalini yoga and wrote the book, Miracles Now, and follows in the way of Marianne Williamson.

She lives authentically and makes Kundalini yoga cool. And that’s something that I struggle with because Kundalini is kinda weird and not necessarily something people want to do. So I’m learning from Gabriel Bernstein how to get people interested and make it accessible.  


What does feminism mean to you?
Is it bad that I’ve never really thought about that? I struggle with that word…and I’m not really sure why. I feel like it means being authentic, living in integrity, and doing whatever you want to do without worrying what other people will think of you.

Do you think the struggle comes from the stigma that’s often attached to the word feminism?
I think I get this feeling that identifying as feminist makes you this very specific woman who is anti-men, standing on the corner of a street fighting for something. I don’t feel that my job on this planet is to fight for anything; I am a love warrior and so everything that I do comes from love. So that word just isn’t in my vocabulary. What other word would you use in place of feminism?

For me I think the closest thing would be equality. That’s what I most closely associate it with-equality for everyone. I wonder though, how we can make that shift from fighting for something to being a love warrior…what does that look like to you?
There’s this quote that I live by from Yogi Bhajan and it says, “If you cannot see God in all, you cannot see God at all.” If I look at you, I don’t see a female, I don’t see a male, I just see your spirit. And however you choose to express yourself, as long as you aren’t harming anyone, is right.


How do you then handle situations when someone is harming someone else-politically, environmentally, etc.?
Well let’s look at the Dakota Pipeline scenario. We had a prayer circle and each person within the circle focused on someone specific. I was focusing my prayers on the people who were causing harm. They need love more than anybody else.

I’m not going to alienate someone who is causing harm. I’m going to lead by example and show love to everyone. I’ll ask myself, “Why is this person behaving this way or acting out this way?” And the answer is almost always because they need love and attention. It’s either a cry for love or an act for love, as my teacher Anne Marie says.

Feminism is such a personal word and belief-I mean, that’s why the question is so open ended. “What does feminism mean to you.” Because even if maybe at the root of it it’s the idea of equality of the sexes, I’ve gotten different answers from each woman I’ve interviewed. And each one is different than my own interpretation. So these varied answers are helping me, and hopefully those reading the interviews, grow and expand and update my definition of feminism.
Yeah. So then I would just say it means living true to who you are whether you’re female or male.


Do you have a favorite quote or mantra that you try to live your life by?
There’s another quote from Yogi Bhajan that I would say I love most, and that’s “Recognize that the other person is you.” That’s one that I live by every single day. Everybody walking this earth is a mirror of who we are.

What are you most passionate about?
I’m most passionate about my women’s circles-gathering women in tribe and playing sound bowls, sitting around crystals, burning those things that no longer serve us and setting intentions. It’s this empowering, kind of underground group. It was like birthed through me. I hope to use these circles to give women a voice to share and be vulnerable. And then through it I hope to gain community and connection. I guess there’s my feminism right there!

How are you an agent for community and bringing women together?
I’m planning a retreat right now. It’s just one of those things where you say yes and then figure it out along the way. I don’t want to have an expectation. I want to let it decide where to go along the way.

Finish this sentence: I am _______________.
I am a goddess warrior of love.

Jenny's got your back.
xxo
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Back Again



I've been finding myself down at the river a lot lately. In the short periods of warm sunlight we're getting lately, I'm finding myself drawn to the water. Leon Bridges has a beautiful song called River that I used to be obsessed with. It recently came back into rotation and I'm just as touched by it now. 



There's something so cathartic about the water for me-whether it's a walk along the river, a hot bath at the end of the day, or diving into a swimming pool. I think it's a ritualistic thing for me. It feels like a cleansing ritual, a letting go of things no longer serving me, and coming up lighter and cleaner. Not cleaner in the sense of shame or guilt for being "dirty." But cleaner in the sense of letting go of negative energy and things holding me back from living authentically. 



xxo