Under Pressure

I recently watched the documentaries released by Lady Gaga (on Netflix) and Demi Lovato (on YouTube). It blows my mind the amount of pressure young (and old) performers are under to be perfect. I remember when Miley Cyrus started getting edgy and inappropriate and although I didn't agree with her actions, I knew there was no way I could judge her for it because I had absolutely no idea what it was like to be her. 

In a lot of ways, I think that social media has created another level of pressure for non-celebrities as well. Because it feels like the end game is to become a celebrity (to varying degrees) from popularity on Instagram, YouTube, blogging, etc. Those in Demi Lovato's generation grew up with access to social media platforms at an incredibly young and impressionable age. I've often said how thankful I am that all of my teenage thoughts and emotions are tucked safely away in hand-written journals - not all over the internet. 

We need to be more real and honest. And we need to spend more time in face-to-face interactions. Yes, I know it's ironic writing that on a blog. But it's not about doing away with Instagram and the Internet. It's about finding balance and self-love in the midst of it. It's about knowing when to get off the apps because you start doubting yourself and your abilities after hours of comparing your self and your lot in life to others'. It's about making eye contact with those around you, especially in conversation. It's about sharing your struggles with those that you trust to reassure each other that we're not alone in our insecurities, painful experiences, and triumphs.

It's about finding more human connection.

xxo

It's Been Awhile

There's been a lot of turmoil in the world lately. Unfortunately, that's nothing new. For whatever reason the mass shooting in Vegas and the wildfires in California struck me differently. It felt foolish to post on social media and write blog posts about the trials of my own life when so many other humans were hurting and grieving beyond my comprehension. I felt unsure of what to write about it, of how to capture my feelings.

I've let go of the pressure I put on myself to stick to a consistent schedule no matter the circumstance. Life happens outside of this blog, and I want to experience it in the moment. I want to share with the world in those experiences. I also want to put my own health - mental, emotional, physical - before a need to produce content. 

xxo

Moving On...For Now

I recently made the tough decision to give up the one remaining yoga class I was teaching at Arden Hot Yoga. It was made after months of going back and forth, months of mindfulness and exploration as to why I should keep it or why I should let it go. 

I haven't done a typical vinyasa or yin practice for over six months now. I have always had issues with lower back pain, but within the last year it got considerably worse. I finally took the steps to go to a personal trainer, then a physical therapist, and finally x-rays of my back. The physical therapy has helped immensely (shoutout to Dan at Results Physical Therapy). I've been working on strengthening my core, giving my body a break from yoga, and generally taking better care of myself. The frustrating thing is that even still I cannot practice yoga like I once did. The stretching a folding actually aggravates my back-the things that once felt so good and healthy now feel wrong and painful. 

Letting go of my remaining class felt like letting go of a community and a position of significance. My ego struggled with this part especially. It felt good to be recognized by students, whether I was teaching or practicing. 

Ultimately, I made the decision to put teaching on hold because I need to focus my attention on my current goals: finishing my thesis (prayers welcomed for this one), growing my experience, skill, and clientele with photography, and finding time to slow down and explore through adventures near and far. 

My practice looks different these days-less asana, much more mindfulness and self-care in a new way. This practice will always be part of my life. And I hope to teach again some day. But for now, here's where I'm at: pausing on teaching yoga and diving in to new endeavors. 

Mind Over Matter

One of the things I love about yoga, whether I'm practicing or teaching, is that it forces you to be present. For seventy five minutes, my mind is focused on the asana, on the pranayama, and on the moment right in front of me - especially when teaching. 

Something from my past keeps making an appearance in my life, and I'm so eager to let go of it. I get caught up in rumination and replaying old memories/conversations/exchanges...

I also feel like I'm at a crossroads with teaching yoga. I haven't been on my mat in the past six months as I've been focusing on strengthening my back. I feel somewhat disconnected from the practice and my yoga communities. And yet, at the end of my Sunday morning class, I'm overwhelmed with gratitude that I get to lead a class through this practice and to shape their yoga experience. 

Letting go and moving on from something is rarely clear-cut. For now, I'm going to use this limbo, and this practice, to get clear on where it is I should go.

xxo

Get Comfortable With Being Uncomfortable

There's a song I often play in yoga called "Press Harder," by Gemstone. I love the whole song, but one lyric in particular always hits me. "Get comfortable with being uncomfortable-you're being stretched." 

Tonight I'm photographing an event for The Blog Bloc. These gigs always make me a little uncomfortable, because I'm taking pictures of strangers. I feel awkward capturing moments between other people, but that's also the everyday experience now. We capture the moments to put on social media and share our lives with others.

Each event I photograph I get a little more comfortable with the process. I've learned that I feel more relaxed when I make an effort to talk to the attendees, not just take their picture. I've learned that being uncomfortable can be a good thing sometimes. 

xxo