I recently made the tough decision to give up the one remaining yoga class I was teaching at Arden Hot Yoga. It was made after months of going back and forth, months of mindfulness and exploration as to why I should keep it or why I should let it go.
I haven't done a typical vinyasa or yin practice for over six months now. I have always had issues with lower back pain, but within the last year it got considerably worse. I finally took the steps to go to a personal trainer, then a physical therapist, and finally x-rays of my back. The physical therapy has helped immensely (shoutout to Dan at Results Physical Therapy). I've been working on strengthening my core, giving my body a break from yoga, and generally taking better care of myself. The frustrating thing is that even still I cannot practice yoga like I once did. The stretching a folding actually aggravates my back-the things that once felt so good and healthy now feel wrong and painful.
Letting go of my remaining class felt like letting go of a community and a position of significance. My ego struggled with this part especially. It felt good to be recognized by students, whether I was teaching or practicing.
Ultimately, I made the decision to put teaching on hold because I need to focus my attention on my current goals: finishing my thesis (prayers welcomed for this one), growing my experience, skill, and clientele with photography, and finding time to slow down and explore through adventures near and far.
My practice looks different these days-less asana, much more mindfulness and self-care in a new way. This practice will always be part of my life. And I hope to teach again some day. But for now, here's where I'm at: pausing on teaching yoga and diving in to new endeavors.
