Moving On...For Now

I recently made the tough decision to give up the one remaining yoga class I was teaching at Arden Hot Yoga. It was made after months of going back and forth, months of mindfulness and exploration as to why I should keep it or why I should let it go. 

I haven't done a typical vinyasa or yin practice for over six months now. I have always had issues with lower back pain, but within the last year it got considerably worse. I finally took the steps to go to a personal trainer, then a physical therapist, and finally x-rays of my back. The physical therapy has helped immensely (shoutout to Dan at Results Physical Therapy). I've been working on strengthening my core, giving my body a break from yoga, and generally taking better care of myself. The frustrating thing is that even still I cannot practice yoga like I once did. The stretching a folding actually aggravates my back-the things that once felt so good and healthy now feel wrong and painful. 

Letting go of my remaining class felt like letting go of a community and a position of significance. My ego struggled with this part especially. It felt good to be recognized by students, whether I was teaching or practicing. 

Ultimately, I made the decision to put teaching on hold because I need to focus my attention on my current goals: finishing my thesis (prayers welcomed for this one), growing my experience, skill, and clientele with photography, and finding time to slow down and explore through adventures near and far. 

My practice looks different these days-less asana, much more mindfulness and self-care in a new way. This practice will always be part of my life. And I hope to teach again some day. But for now, here's where I'm at: pausing on teaching yoga and diving in to new endeavors. 

Mind Over Matter

One of the things I love about yoga, whether I'm practicing or teaching, is that it forces you to be present. For seventy five minutes, my mind is focused on the asana, on the pranayama, and on the moment right in front of me - especially when teaching. 

Something from my past keeps making an appearance in my life, and I'm so eager to let go of it. I get caught up in rumination and replaying old memories/conversations/exchanges...

I also feel like I'm at a crossroads with teaching yoga. I haven't been on my mat in the past six months as I've been focusing on strengthening my back. I feel somewhat disconnected from the practice and my yoga communities. And yet, at the end of my Sunday morning class, I'm overwhelmed with gratitude that I get to lead a class through this practice and to shape their yoga experience. 

Letting go and moving on from something is rarely clear-cut. For now, I'm going to use this limbo, and this practice, to get clear on where it is I should go.

xxo

Get Comfortable With Being Uncomfortable

There's a song I often play in yoga called "Press Harder," by Gemstone. I love the whole song, but one lyric in particular always hits me. "Get comfortable with being uncomfortable-you're being stretched." 

Tonight I'm photographing an event for The Blog Bloc. These gigs always make me a little uncomfortable, because I'm taking pictures of strangers. I feel awkward capturing moments between other people, but that's also the everyday experience now. We capture the moments to put on social media and share our lives with others.

Each event I photograph I get a little more comfortable with the process. I've learned that I feel more relaxed when I make an effort to talk to the attendees, not just take their picture. I've learned that being uncomfortable can be a good thing sometimes. 

xxo

Black and White

I love the look of black and white photos. I spent some time with Betsy Dunnaway this weekend at Apple Hill and she captured these moments for me. I love exploring the different settings and abilities Lightroom has to edit and modify images. That's one thing I appreciate about photography: I'll always be learning something new; always be honing in on a new skill or challenge. It keeps things fresh and exciting. 

The Sky's the Limit

I've been reading a lot about the differences in generations, millennials to boomers especially. Generation Me is an incredible trove of data that spans generations. What I love about Jean M. Twenge's research is that she's looking at data from when boomers were in college, and data from when millennials were in college. 

Twenge talks about how millennials were raised to believe that they could accomplish anything, that we had limitless potential, and that if we want it, we can get it. Twenge then goes on to point out that the ideals we millennials were taught growing up-as good natured as I think our parents and other adults intended them to be-are false. Just because you want to achieve something doesn't mean you will. There are limitations in this world, sometimes of our own making, sometimes due to various circumstances. But as a generation that was brought up on slogans like, "be yourself," "reach for the stars," "if you can dream it, you can achieve it," we're now learning in adulthood that life often has other plans. 

One area in particular that I see this is social media success. We see people blow up with success and fame on Instagram, Youtube, Snapchat, etc., and believe that we too can reach thousands of followers, receive endorsements/free products/commission for specific posts...To me, these people who make a living through social media posts and interactions, are the new 1%. With it being in our face (or hands) 24/7, this lifestyle seems much more achievable than it really is. I learned this last year as I went through a tumultuous year of on-and-off employment-jobs and money do not come as easily as we imagined they would when we were younger. 

There's a whole chapter in Generation Me in which Twenge talks about the difference in income to cost of living ratio for boomers versus millennials. When boomers once paid about 30% of their income on rent/mortgage, millennials spend about 70% of their income on rent/mortgage. The cost of living is incredibly high, and the availability of jobs that will pay us enough to live comfortably seems scarcely low. 

I just started in on Twenge's new book, iGen, where she now dives into the findings of her research on the generation following millennials. As someone in the education field at the high school level, I'm so intrigued by her research and the implications of it in all our lives. 

xxo